My Mother's Corner

SERENITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,
thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher
exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe
10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember
who they are! Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you
grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing